Bear It

Sometimes you just gotta “Grind and Bear It”

We are about to witness the longest government shutdown ever. Here’s to being a part of history. But I have other things than the Trump-caused Apocalypse on my mind today.

I’ve had this post idea swarming around my head for a week or so now, stewing and simmering like potato soup on a foggy day until the words are just right…

The current focus of my self-improvement journey is patience. There are a lot of things going on in my life right now that I cannot control, from my micromanaging boss to the blaring music my roommate/brother is so fond of. And it’s been affecting me more than I’d like to admit. Since we moved back to my hometown, it’s been difficult for me to handle the changes that took place in my life. We don’t have as nice of a house, fast food is a joke around here, there’s nothing to do, we have to drive at least an hour away to get those spicy Winco deals, the neighbors are just unbelievable… The list goes on. Once I experienced city life, I forgot how to live in a town with pop 1,700 and have just made myself miserable since my return here.

For the past 2 winters I’m pretty sure I experienced S.A.D. or seasonal affective disorder. I never got a professional diagnosis, but I know myself well enough to pinpoint the reason I’m down. This time around I’ve actually managed pretty well without my daily dose of sunshine. But it’s threatening to take hold of me now that the winter has really set in, and I’ve started to turn to my mood boosting methods more frequently now. I fight the urge to just drop it all and Run as far away as possible, leaving all my problems behind.

gloomy-gun-legler

I’ve had very few years of “toughin it out” and providing for myself as an adult. But I can tell what’s going to get me through the shit in my life and what just won’t help me anymore. I realized that sometimes you just gotta grit your teeth through times like this. When you don’t feel motivated or in control of anything going on around you. I know that it Won’t help me to wish our lives were exactly like they used to be and complain about all the challenges of living here. It also Won’t help me to refuse to make friends around here or at work because I don’t feel settled and just want to leave.

I need to stop this Waiting and just get on with my life. I don’t believe in waiting for a time in your life to end, like waiting for the school year to be over or for the next holiday. All that leads to is you waiting for your life to end and never being satisfied in the moment. I need to Live now and follow my own principles.

I don’t have the cash or resources (I don’t even have my own car) to just up and leave this crummy situation. But I do have a job. Decently cheap rent. The ability to save up for things that will improve my life. And the discipline and patience to just stick it out for a while until I’ve saved a good amount and invested in myself and a future family. I need to hold onto my Hope; that’s what will save me.

It’s time for me to just Grind and

Bear It.

 

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